You're invited to my housewarming this coming Saturday (9 Dec). The party goes from 2pm to 11pm, but I've suggested times that you can come based on people you might know. This is a super simple event involving cakes and coffee/tea, and a potluck after 6pm (please bring food, especially if you don't just want to eat steamed broccoli and other healthy variants).
If you're driving, please enter by Chancery Lane. Please also let me know if you will be bringing +1s, children or dogs. There will be at least one dog appearing around the 2pm slot.
Please RSVP asap for planning purposes.
Don't hate people too much, don't vomit on my expensive furniture at all, call me at 98388228, anytime, always.
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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: Can I bring a +1, children, pet, alien, etc?
A: Please feel free to bring anything that is toilet trained. No cats, unfortunately. I am allergic.
Q: What should I bring?
A: Yo'self. Please also bring food/drink if you want something that isn't high-caloric cake, coffee, tea (at any time before 6pm), or vegetarian or gin (after 6pm).
Q: Housewarming gifts?
A: No need. Unless you happen to have:
- A spare iron or hairdryer lying around that your mom doesn't want. My life is currently sad without them.
- Fake/real plants above 30cm tall. NO CACTUSES.
- Cushions for auntie with bad back (me).
- Dishwasher tablets so I can clean up either your gross mess or someone else's gross mess. (I'm sure there is going to be gross mess.)
- Weird monochrome rugs/rugs made out of dead cow.
- Someone who wants to buy my $400 Kate Spade Elissa bag in black for $200 WHY DO I BUY THIS SHIT TAKE THIS OFF ME SOMEONE
Second hand is awesome.
Q: So what are you doing now, Sam, now that you've left the Ministry?
A: So I was serious when I said I am now spending most of my time painting (including dog portraits) and writing. I'm also travelling and warming my butt on Japanese toilet bowls, c.f. "YOLO".
Q: Can I ask you this question again in person?